My Near Death Experiences by Trudy Morse

Trudy Morse
Hermes at the Crossroads
Hermes Press - 1996 Written September 9, 2000.
For more information about Trudy, visit her website at:

A NDE, as it is called today,
is a rather frightening ex-
perience, but since I have
been privileged to have
had three in my lifetime,
actually I feel blessed.

The first NDE was almost
50 years ago, while giving
birth to my son, Michael,
I found myself being twirled
through a dark tunnel, with
a bright light at the end.  I
woke up hysterical, I thought
the baby had died.
I was rather surprised when
the phenomenon was analyzed
many years later, it was I who
was near death, and not the

As a result of this startling
experience, "Training for Child-
birth" was pioneered in the
Washington, D.C. area with Sue
Patch, sister of Gloria Steinman,
President.  Trudy Morse, Treasurer.
My son, Dr. Melvin Morse,
pediatrician, who writes about
NDE's in children, was the
first baby born, under this new
program, over 40 years ago.

Our program was to train parents
in natural childbirth.  Dr. Dick Reid,
of the UK, was the leader of the
movement in those days.  We were the
first to bring fathers into the delivery
room, exercises for mothers, and
coaching lessons for fathers, to give
support for the mothers.

The second time I had a NDE,
I saw the pattern of
my whole life before me, and
repented, that before the NDE,
I hadn't been a really good cook.
Saying farewell, I asked Malcolm
to forgive me, before passing out
during an asthma attack.

And from that experience I learned
that it's very good to be ready to
meet your maker and a quick review
of your life is a strong probability!

I am still not a very good cook, but
don't feel guilty, since Malcolm
assured me that was not why he
married me.  The medics had revived
me at home, and I felt at peace that
Malcolm had forgiven me during my last

From that experience, I learned
that life is so fragile, I would try
to enjoy every moment of life with
an extraordinary husband, Malcolm
Morse, who was my partner for
some 40 years.

At the age of 55, when he was diag-
nosed as having cancer, I insisted
that he retire so that we may have
the last years of his life, roaming
the planet, so that he might have
a last look at every location he was
curious about, had read about in science,
literature, the Bible, politics and
even science fiction.  He remained
alive another 13 years.

A practicing Yoga, he died a Yoga's
death, in peace, in lotus position, and
I stayed over 3 hours, singing and
chanting, for an easy departure of the
soul.  I was at peace that I had helped
fulfill his mission of life.  He examined
anomalous phenomena for some six
months each year, all over the globe.

This last NDE at the senior age of 81
was an extraordinary revelation.  An
asthma victim almost all of my life,
I was unable to pull out of an asthma
attack at the home of one of my dearest
members of my extended family, GILA.

I had overdosed on medication, which
brought me deeper in the helpless
stage.  911 was called, the ambulance
appeared immediately, the medics
correctly diagnosed the incident as
pulmonary arrest, and were able to
revive me within the six minutes
before brain damage.  It was a quick,
efficient action that made for the
success of the treatment, every one
cool and collected to do what needed
to be done.

Now, what did I learn in the experience
during my twilight years?

The most touching was the miracle
of the assembly of the family.  They
arrived at the hospital shortly after
the ambulance, and were there with
complete support for me.

As important as modern life-supporting
machinery and professional help is, I
needed my dearest and most beloved
family.  Sarah never left my side and I
deeply felt her presence, as well as
Mary's, who never left Sarah.

Later, Dr. Serena Fox appeared.  She
works at the Trauma Center at Columbia
Hospital for Women, spent time with
the doctor on call, Dr. Remy.  He had
heard of her, by reputation, and with
continual telephone calls to my own
family doctor, Dr. Douglas Shumaker,
they were an extraordinary medical team
put together in this extreme emergency.

Needless to say the nurses are God's
gift of angels to care for us.  They told
me later, the incident took them by
complete shock.  The possibility of
brain damage loomed very large in
their minds.

Now what happened to the NDEer:
First, there was a black cage I was trying
to frantically trying to escape, banging
each corner post.  In despair, I finally
gave up:  "Well, if this is Hell, Heaven is
probably boring."  (This is what my son,
Alan, says I reported late Thursday night
of the discharge."

Although that vision appears to have come
first, what I remember vividly, is a white
casket with heavily clad manacled boots
thumping each corner tightly closed.

Perched on the ceiling, was the Raphael
angel, with lovely face cupped into hands,
watching the event, with much wonder,
watching the casket-thumping, admiring
its beautiful painting of stars, crescents,
and other beautiful colorful patterns,
covering the casket, gleaming, glowing
white, like a Rauschenberg painting.

The thumping of each corner finished,
the casket securely closed, the Raphael
angel perched on the ceiling watching
carefully, wondered:

"Well, which would have been better,
Heaven or Hell?"  And with a wry smile:
"Who knows?"

I had finally been restrained from
fighting the staff who were trying to
insert the indo-trachial tube directly into
the mouth, to hook up the lungs with
the support machine, necessary to get the
lungs working again.  Michael, who had
been helping the staff in their struggle, was
severely scratched, which was an agonizing.
moment for him. Everybody involved later
told me they went into complete shock after
this experience .

I was so determined to keep off the
machines!I had always said I would
rather die than be hooked up on a
machine, and I really meant it!

Now that it is all over, I feel truly
blessed again. With such a remarkable
family who by some miracle arrived,
without anybody knowing where to call
them! With such extraordinary extended
family giving further support.  And the
remark of the social worker really
moved me. When I asked her why
she was visiting me, she told me most
of the elderly patients have no one at
home to go to, and she provides volun-
teers and visiting nurses, meals on wheels.

What a wonderful feeling, to have Sarah
there every moment, demanding that I be
taken home at once, rather than the two
week period they suggested and David,
her husband, taking over all the chores of
the four children left at home during Sarah's
24 hour vigilance.

Sarah decided three days in the hospital
was enough. She demanded my release
at once, and armed with the X-rays, she
drove me to her home. Maurie was there
with a broad smile. Michael had already
left work, and was waiting to pick
me up.

Erica had decorated the front doorway:
"Welcome home". Lauren, who had
grown at least 12 inches during the
summer, had to lean over to embrace me.

And Mary was there with a dinner, eaten
outdoors, overlooking her glorious garden
and little pool with the waterfall creating
the sound of running water which I love.

Michael took me shopping for my bagels,
picked up my medicine. And Guy and Sheri
took over from there.  They explained the
medication, assuring me it was very mild
and only a short course. Dr. Shumaker
assured them it would not interfere with
the effective plendil I take for high blood

Dr. Shumaker insisted I call him at home
to strongly advise against my trip to Syria
scheduled for the next day. I felt so much
had done for me, I better not let them
down and create new problems, so I can-
celled the trip. My beautiful extended
family member Paula, of Signature Travel,
got to work at once to assure that I get
money back for airfare.

I came away with the realization that
although I say I am ready to die, there's a
whole crew of people, medical and family,
who seemed to think it important that I
live a little longer.  Like the birth of a baby,
the rebirth of an adult requires instant
loving, nurturing for the health of the
new model.

My son, Dr. Melvin Morse, pediatrician,
who has pioneered in NDE with children,
presents, during his lectures, pictures that
children draw about their experience.
Some are pictures of Jesus, pets, teachers,
or parents, whom they have just seen.
They are usually told to return, depending
upon their belief system.

For me there was no such picture. No
persons, no Jesus, no favorite aunt, mother,
or spouse, only at first, a crude black cage
from which I was frantically pounding,
trying to escape.  In some disgust, I just
gave up, thinking: "Oh  well, Heaven would
probably be boring anyway!"

Then appeared a white casket, with
heavy manacled boots pounding each
corner tightly shut.  Beautiful and gleaming
white. Stars, crescents and colored figures
were painted on the lid, in Rauschenberg
style.  Above it all a Raphael angel watched
from the ceiling, finally wondering if
Heaven or Hell would be better!

Who knows?


Our holiest prayer in Judaism is the Shma Yisroel,
Adonoi Elehanu, Adonoi Echod. Hear oh Israel,
The Lord our God, The Lord is one.

The Adonoi is a Hebrew Tetragrammaton,
having four Hebrew Letters, usually transliterated
YHWH or JHVH, that forms a biblical proper
name of God.  Reb Shneyer has told us that
Adonoi means past, present, and future.

I feel a deep sadness that my departed partner,
Malcolm was not witness to this. An internationally
recognized engineer, he was also a Polymath.
Equally as versed in Philosophy, Poetry, Plato,
Plotinus, Literature, Eastern and Western Religions.

In raising our six children, he constantly reminded
me that when the child is born, images of his past,
present, and future are embodied on the brain.

Since I saw no persons, heard no voices, I personally
conclude that it was the high tech machinery, and
the total high level family and medical support
that brought about the return. Maybe, this return
was guided by either the images of the brain
already imprinted at birth:  maybe, God whom Jung
defines as SELF, maybe, just plain GILA.

Death is not Real
But Birth to a
New Life
We go on and on
To higher planes
For eons and aeons
Of Time

The Universe is
Our Home
We explore the
Farthest Recesses
We dwell in the
Finite Mind
Of The All

I die gladly
So I may Know
The Whole Truth
Of Being
At One with

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